When people are asked what is the toughest task to do? Some will reply that being a doctor or being an astronaut or doing business is the toughest one. I think they are not as these things can be taught by certain processes. Parenting is the toughest task as there are not any specific rules or guidelines.
As every child comes with different psychology so the task is comparatively difficult. Not every parent and child is the same, everyone is different in their own way so is the parenting.
At present, it is a subject of research but none can say that these are the exact rules to become good parents. Encouraging children is also a challenging part of parenting. This is why often people get confused about
what should say to encourage children?
Below some of the finest ways of encouraging children are discussed-
Parenting: What Should Say to Encourage Children?
Every child is special. Parents need to find out the best way to encourage their children. Let’s see some encouraging ways-
Compliment Genuinely And Honestly
When parents are encouraging their children, the compliment should be genuine and honest. Otherwise, they will not be encouraged.
For example-Parents can say to their child, It is unselfish of you to share your chocolate instead of saying What an angel you are!
Be Specific And Illustrative
Specific And Illustrative comments encourage a lot. It shows parents pay attention and they care.
Like, I like the way you are using different colors on this drawing. Ask about the colors of the children. Do not say what a nice painting only!
Compliment, Effort, and Process
Effort means how hard one is trying to do work. A child should be complimented for his or her effort and process. Because by giving effort any success can be achieved. Children’s success should be celebrated but compliments should be done for effort and process mainly.
The effort helps to develop a person. If a child fails, he or she will think that less effort was given. Next time the child will work hard to become successful. A common example can be the result of the good points of a child. Here, parents should complement the effort and process of the child for achieving the good result.
Ignore Controlling Praise
Giving controlling and conditional praise to children hampers a lot. These children stop to participate in different activities.
For example, if parents say as expected, you did very well on that task. It will give the child a negative feeling. The child will feel positive if it is said, you did very well on that task.
A special note on this point is, female children face this problem more often than the male child.
Avoid Comparison Complement
Children are growing up in the era of comparison. Sometimes this comparison is good and sometimes not. Though comparison done by parents or elders brings negative results most of the time. It gives childless confidence and frustration.
A comparison is done with companions or peers. It is done in everything like study, extracurricular activities, work, etc.
If the child has a goal-oriented mentality then comparison helps him or her to work harder. The child is driven by his or her own motivation. But if he or she fails, it gives extra burden.
For failure, the child stops to learn new stuff and avoid taking on new challenges. Every child has some inborn qualities which remain unseen due to comparison.
Comparison complement gives the theory that winning is everything whether you can learn something or not.
An example of comparison complement is- you are so good, just like your cousin. And these types of compliments are worse. A good compliment can be like this-you are good at playing basketball.
Ignore Easy Task Complement
Parents or elders should ignore easy task complement. It gives negative results.
Easy task complement will raise the frequent praising habit. If the child does any easy thing then he or she will always look forward to hearing praise. And if the kid does not get any praise, he or she will consider it’s a failure.
Ignore Over Praising
Just like easy task complement, overpraising is also bad for a child. Parents should avoid this one also.
Over praising makes a child self-obsessed. They start feeling superior in everything. It also lessens motivation.
Praising should be done when a child does any positive work. Any work which will develop the child as well as make him a good human being.
Giving credit to children for their achievement is a positive thing. Parents can say,” I am proud of your son or daughter”.It helps them to do better things ahead. Make sure that they are evaluated.
Every child likes to get cheered up and wants kindness. Parents should appreciate the things which they like of their children. Like-” I love it when you help in household chores, I like being teamed up with you!”Parents should make their child feel that he or she is important to them. They love their child it also should be ensured.
Help Children to Become Expressive
Parents or elders must help their children in expressing their feelings. Like anger, nervousness, sadness, or frustration. Parents should not mock when they express their feelings. They should try to calm down their children in those situations.
Benefits of Encouraging Children
If parents can encourage children in a proper manner then it will be a benefited issue for them as well as for the children. The benefits are-
1. It helps to build confidence.
2. Develops a positive mentality.
3. Builds self-respect.
4. Builds inborn motivation.
5. Improves social skills.
6. Improves psychological growth.
7. Improves creativity and imagination power.
In conclusion, I will add some sayings of Jaggi Vasudev, known publicly as Sadhguru(an Indian yogi and author) who said a child needs a friend, not a boss. So, it is important for parents to become a friend first before thinking about “what should say to encourage children”. He also advised parents to raise themselves before raising their kids.