Think about the inevitable consequences of your own actions and stop power struggles that can come with penalties from old school without being the bad man.
When I was a child, discipline meant that when I misconducted, my parents revoked my favorite privileges. Hit my brother ?- Hit my brother? A week’s no Internet. Have my jobs not been done? Forget about the mall ride. This method reigned not only in my house but in everybody else’s home it was the MO I knew.
While this classic disciplined approach can help children cooperate in the short term and, research has now demonstrated that this is not the best way to teach lifelong classes. Jane, the creator of the Positive Discipline series, says: “Children don’t grow when they feel threatened. The child may be able to meet the expectations because he is worried that what will happen if it doesn’t–instead of doing the right thing and the wrong thing.
Experts urge us nowadays to empower our children to feel what they call the normal consequences of their actions. If your child decides to wear his Jacket, need him to be cold — and the next time he’s probably not going to fight. Further participation for adults is logical consequences, but it is also related to misconduct: if your child runs into the middle of the road, he will hold his hand for the remainder of your trip. That link helps your child learn the consequences of his acts and understand them.
Sounds simple, right? Sounds simple? I was worried too — before my children did something that seemed to have no natural effect. What were the real results of my daughter 30 times before she did her job in the world? Or does my son refuse to go to daycare on a hot day except for his birthday suit? The truth is, every time the trick can not do ideal corrective consequences. But in more cases, than I expected, they are going to be effective. Practice these suggestions now and in the future for better behavior.
This will most probably lead to a helpful lesson if it is linked, respectful and fair.
The opposite of random is necessarily connected. So if your baby does a mess, it should have the effect of being cleaned up (not being able to play on your iPad).
The result does not require embarrassment or humiliation. Respectful means. “Even when he does something wrong, your child feels bad,” says Dr. Nabila. “When you say,” I told you so, “or if you taunt him later, you’re going to lower the learning capacity because he’s about to stop working and concentrate on guilt.”
Once seven-year-old Vander Harrelson, of Ferndale, Indiana, wanted to bring the city Library party with his favorite superhero ski mask, his stepmother, Amanda Hanlin, thought it was a bad idea. He just said,’ Take no thought. I’ll take care of this.’ “Vander put in the mask— and it lost.” Oh! I knew it was warm outside and it wouldn’t be kept by either his father or me if he got hot. “To say,’ I told you not to put the mask on!’ was hesitant!” admits Hanlin. “He knew he’d made a mistake and was very sad, however, I could see.”
Rather, she and his father encouraged him to pursue his steps. If the mask did not turn up, they decided that another day he would be taken to the shop so that they could use his money to pay for a replacement. They helped Vander to gain valuable experience of being responsible for his decisions — and his choices by keeping calm and selecting their words.
Reasonable means that a result of your child’s age and know-how must be a duty that is proportionate to its wrongdoing. Instead of resenting her it will help her focus on what she did. Do not expect her to push yourself through the floor if her 3-year-old is knocking over a carton of milk. Wipe the spill together instead. When she refuses to take the hand up and physically makes the gesture, she advises the founder of The Self-Aware Parent, Fran Walfish, Psy. D.
When she cries uncontrollably, after at least a small part of the mess is washed, you should keep her in your lap. If she stops crying and her muscles relax, thank her for the fact that she can calm down and move forward.
Instead of breakdown, an older kid can tell you about stuff but avoid the urge to get mad. You can help disfigure claims by defining an outcome earlier (I have found a lot of rubber clothes around the house–please put clothes in the trash, or the result is no longer rubber).
Help her brainstorm ideas for a dilemma she has run across herself if advance warning is not necessary. You may say, for example, “You are must be frustrated that you’ve forgotten your project that’s due tomorrow, You want to go to purchase supplies, I understand, but it’s too late, and I don’t want to.
Connect natural implications to tasks
If your child did something he should not have done it, natural consequences are quite clear. My kids didn’t do things they ought to (like chores) and their natural consequences (a messy house) wouldn’t be facing them. While I was tempted like my mother to take TV, I wanted a little maturity in my approach.
“The link between the task and the TV watch is not clear,” Madelyn Swift, creator of the Discipline for Life: Getting It Correct With Kids, says, “Is there no tv whenever your child says,’ When you do not sort your laundry?’ it’s punishment. However, the expression “If you don’t…” sounds like a threat, so he will think it’s worth making him pay not to do what you have requested. Nonetheless, by removing a “When You” structure, you can turn it into a logical consequence: “Once you finish the laundry sorting, you can watch your show.”
In doing so, you articulate the idea that your children probably want to live on: do what you have to do before you do what you want. The child will end up missing his favorite night show–and not speak to his buddies the next morning–but when the chore is over, he may experience the inevitable effect of having some more fun because he doesn’t have a chore.
Frame Privilege as a Reward
The right is another term that should be stressed. The mother of five children from 4 months to 10 years old, Amy Kertesz, in Palmetto Bay, Florida, says that “our family rule is that all toys should be placed wherever they are, by the end of the day. Every toy left lying around is a garbage feed bowl.” “My children know that if they’re not responsible for their belongings, they lose the privilege of being able to. Just my 3 years old fails. Instead of just throwing it away, I’ll ask him to put it away.
You might place the toys on a high shelf or in a box in another room if you would like to be less difficult to play and return them when your child shows he is cleaning his other toys.
This is not only beneficial for material rights but also for non-tangible ones: If your kid is unable to take on a responsible role, he lacks the chance of playing with his siblings. He won’t have the right to be spoken to when he doesn’t speak to you politely. Nonetheless, rather than telling him, “Don’t dare you to speak to me like that,” politely tell, “I’ll be happy to speak about it that when you can talk about it politely.
And this is just as powerful technique when your child is doing something correctly. I told him there was not enough time when my6-year-old asked him whether he was allowed to play a videogame 10 minutes before we had to pick up his sister from school. And I decided to offer him an opportunity — and I mentioned that if he followed the end of the deal, I would let him do it He said he would quit as soon as we left.
Tell the Truth
The easiest approach is often overlooked by parents: tell the truth. For instance, if your kid was misbehaving all day and asks, “Do we go out for hot chocolate tonight?.” “You know, I don’t feel like taking you out for hot chocolate, after your behavior today.” The lesson? When you wrong men, it is not likely that they will go ahead.
Have a Back-Up Plan
There will be times when this strategy doesn’t work even with those thumb laws. It’s not going to work if your child thinks the outcome is not a big deal that thinks tooth decay because he doesn’t want to brush his teeth or if he does it to hurt someone (You can not let them see how someone else feels like throwing a rock). And it typically makes no sense to try for a logical consequence when you’re quick to get there, like when my kid refused to wear clothes before the day’s night.
In reality, Madelyn Swift, a psychologist, advises that you should not always look too hard. “If the outcome isn’t clear, it’s probably not a good one.” Conflict solving and referral to the right treatment for your small boys, as well as to family meetings for children aged 4 and over, are a few examples of approaches that can help if the results are ineffective. “This is only one tool in your toolbox for control,” Swift says. “Every builder needs a hammer, but he will require other means of building a house.”