Supporting The Shy Child
Most children are called shy. When you understand that what this word actually means that you may agree that having aa shy child. That is, after all, it’s not such aa negative quality. And shyness can be aa child’s support or impairment, depending on part on how it is treated.
If Shyness Assists a Child
Shyness is not a flaw but a feature of personality. Some of the most charming people I’ve ever met are reserved. These individuals tend to be attentive listeners, private individuals who exude a warm atmosphere without even saying a word. That drew me to Martha was shyness. In my senior year in medical school, we gathered at a fraternity party. She stood in the middle of a group of my boisterous frat brothers. All talked except her. She never listened.
Her eyes met with those of all the others. She smiled and felt her presence quiet. She wasn’t outgoing so she made it easy for all the extroverts around her. “What a lovely person to be around,” I said. There was nothing glamorous about her, and her body language and friendly attitude said: “There’s a guy who’s cool to be next to.” I called her that day and the rest is a beautiful story.
There is no need to apologize for saying, “He’s a shy kid,” or she is,… particularly in front of your little one. There is nothing wrong with being reserved, and a lot right. Many people usually don’t understand the shyness and are timid about having aa problem. And they think aa shy child needs to suffer from a pooor self-image. The mark couldn’t be any more unjust for the most part. Most shy kids have a good understanding of their self. We have an inner peace that shines; they’d catch the light if the extroverts were silent for long enough.
If their child clams up in a crowd, parents always worry. Is he just shy or has a serious problem there? Here’s what to think. A quiet kid with healthy self-esteem makes eye-to-eye contact, is friendly and seems to be pleased with herself. She is silent. Generally speaking, her behavior is good; she is a nice kid to be around. And people are okay in her presence.
Some “shy” kids think deeply and are cautious. For outsiders, they are reluctant to warm up. They’re researching the person to see whether the relationship is worth the effort. Shy kids often get such inner peace that the shyness is one way to protect them. Our sixth boy, Matthew, is one of the happiest children ever to live on this earth’s heart. Matt is tentative about his interactions but it’s for good until he finds a mate. He is a reserved person who has lots of valuable inner knowledge to learn for others. He gradually warms up to new friends, but he is friendly until relaxed in your presence. Matthew is just a good kid to be around. (Our third child, Safwan, is like this, too.)
We had our first parent and teacher conference, shortly after Matthew started school. The teacher said, “Sure Matthew is timid, isn’t he?”Yeah, it’s reserved for Matt,” we said. The topic came up again later in the dialogue, “Matt is very quiet.” “Yeah, he’s very centered,” we responded. When Matthew’s discussion went on, this teacher soon realized that we saw the characteristics of Matthew when optimistic. As the school year continued, the teacher in row two developed in appreciation of this calm, happy, blond-haired boy. Matthew was fun to be around guy.
When Shyness is a Disability
Shyness, in some people, is the expression of inner problems, not inner harmony. More than shy, this kid withdraws. He prevents eye-to-eye contact and has many issues with the behavior. Citizens are not at peace with their presence. When you look into this little boy, you learn that he works out of anger and fear rather than calm and trust. As you delve deeper, you also find that he has much to be upset at.
Hiding Behind the Shy Child Veil
Many kids disappear behind the shy mask of the infant so they don’t have to show something they don’t like. No revealing anything is better, but they withdraw into a protective shell. The “shy” mark is an invitation not to develop social skills and justification not to use them. The unmotivated child may use “shy” as protection against trying harder and as an excuse to stay at the same skill development level.
Shyness is aa handicap for those kids, reinforcing there is weak self-esteem. You have to work up thee self-esteem to relieve the shyness. This kid needss parentss he can trustt, who teach in a manner that doesn’t lead to frustration and also self-dislike internalization.
Little Miss Steps Outside
What about the fruity two-year-old who laughs and waves at every visitor but who turns into a clam when he is three years old? Moms always think about what they were doing to induce such a personality change. The answer is usually “zero.” Lots of kids are reckless by age two. We act before we think, especially when it comes to social relations. Between the ages of two and four, infants go through the second stage of stranger fear, as they get afraid of people they do not know.
I still witness “shy” scenes in my lab, with new patients. The infant drops her head to his chest as I reach the examination room, semi-closes her eyes sticks her thumb in her lips, and hides behind on her mother, keeping to her legs also trying to hide. I don’t try to go afterr thee child, but greeet the mother in aan easy, friendly manner first. The child listens in on our socializing as the mother becomes comfortable in relation to me. Ideally, she will say “He’s all right with mom, so he’s all right with me.” If the kid doesn’t reappear, I’ll make a game out of the moment: “Where is Katie?
I know I want to see her. I don’t believe She’s here. I am going to come back later.’ For a moment, I just get out of the room to give the child space, and then re-enter, typically at peace with the boy. The social retreat is a normal evolutionary stage. Be patient before apologizing to your relatives, cream eyeshadow from embarrassment or call a behavioral therapist. Give encouragement and space to your kid and she will blossom again soon.
Parents are curious about what to do about the shyness of their kids. Is this just a process that has passed? Does the child need to be motivated to get more outgoing? Is there a bigger underlying issue? Here’s what you should do:
Love your sweetheart
Next, recognize that you are blessed with a delicate, deeply caring, gentle kid who is reluctant to open up to strangers, politely attempts social relations, but overall seems to be a happy person. Inmate your still boy. Thanks to him or her the world will be a more peaceful place.
The harder you draw, the more the shy child withdraws
Wanting to help that shy child is tempting. But be careful— the more that you pull, the more that some kids will recoil. You can’t shyly take a child away. It’s better to create a relaxed environment that allows for the natural development of her social personality. Not call a child “shy.” Knowing this is something that a child feels wrong with her, and that will make her feel shyer.
If you have to use words to describe your child using “family” or “reserved.” Such phrases are better and more precise. Labels also impact the way the child is viewed by others. Having her “shy” will have them over solicited as if they should do something to “help” or repair it. If you are meeting Aunt Nancy and you want to make a good first impression on your silent boy, avoid the temptation to say, “Don’t be so polite, Aunt Nancy won’t bite.” That’s expected to make him clam.
It is likely that the child already self-conscious will become even shyer. Tell the child in advance what a simplee “hi” and quiet and, polite behavior is expected of him. Don’t ask for moree than you reasonably would expect. That Keeps the attention of the kid and believe that Aunt will come t o aappreciate him when he gets comfortable. Encouragee your child t o carry along o n e of herr favorite aactivities such as artt supplies o r a board gamee thatt Aunt can usee as a contact bridge.
Don’t see the Little Performer
The grandparents are attending and you can’t wait to get Johnny, 5, to play the piano for them. Do not spring this order unwarned on Johnny. The young showman can run off your order, apologize, and leave the grandmother questioning why he’s so shy. Then, seek your child’s permission secretly first: “You play so well and grandma likes to hear you play, would you play a little bit for her please?”This respects the level of comfort of a child in public displaying a skill.
Many kids are performers born— give them an opportunity and they’re on stage. Others cautiously guard their skills, and as skills grow, they will slowly feel confident. Firstly, they play the piano comfortably for themselves. Next, they play for parents (because even if the child makes mistakes they’ll still applaud). Playing Mozart for a company requires a much bigger leap of faith.
The Mouthy and the Mousy Child
A set-up for shyness is the combination of an extroverted, dominating mother and a more reserved child. Susy, a quiet, friendly, and open five-year-old, and her mother were at Susy’s school entrance exam in my office. I asked Susy but she had no problems or pains she would like to tell me about. “Susy, this is your unique check,” I began. His mother interrupted as soon as Susy opens her mouth to tell me her issues. “She knows…” her mother said, and then went on to tell me in-depth.
I asked the girl, “And Susy, how do you feel about that?”Mom interrupted again within a millisecond of Susy’s first syllable,” And she too… When this became the check-up for Susy’s parents instead of Susy’s, the formerly cheerful little girl turned into a frightened little rodent, cowering more and more as the tone of her mother increased.
Mother chided her daughter towards the end of the check-up, “Oh, Susy don’t be polite, tell the doctor what’s bothering you.” Susy clamored for the remainder of the test, her enthusiasm squelched by her mouthful mother. When Susy left the room to get her immunizations with the nurse, her mother bent over to me, confiding, “Professor, she is so quiet. I don’t know how to do it. “Susy’s mother, a mother who was deeply caring and committed, did not deliberately override Susy’s social development, that was just her temper. Susy wasn’t trying to be shy, she just was born quiet.
But this personality misalignment prevented Susy from improving communication skills (at least when in her mother’s presence) and her mother from acquiring listening skills. Before passing judgment on which kinds of temperament are “better,” I clarified how some matches of temperament hinder progress. I suggested that if Susy got more reserved around her, Susy would get more outgoing around her. The next check-up on Susy went a lot smoother. Her mother sat silently behind Susy, and when her child spoke, nodded approvingly.