Like so many of us, in my early stages of parenthood I took a very traditional, mainstream approach to caring for my first-born. I’m thrilled to say that today I’ve grown. For the betterment and health of my children, I examined new ways of doing things. By listening, not only to my heart, but to my babies, and opening my mind to those around me willing to share their wisdom and experiences, I believe I’ve created a bond with my children that will last a lifetime.

Because of this, I hope to share some of my misconceptions and solutions with others, in hope of enlightening them to truly examine their parenting options and methods, and ask themselves if they believe they are as close to their little one’s as they believe they should be. I am here to tell you that raising a baby can truly be a beautiful experience.

My son right now is sleeping. He is sick, poor little man. It’s just a cold, nothing too serious, but my heart aches to make it better, to bend over backward to provide him some relief. My old instincts with my daughter were; run to the store; buy medicine, and give her dose after dose to make the symptoms better. It’s not good for little ones to have the sniffles, right?

I was 22 when my daughter was born; I thought I knew it all. I had read the books, performed research online, taken Lamaze classes for childbirth, and completed both a “new parents” class and a breastfeeding class. I was totally prepared to have my daughter; or so I thought.

Things were tough with her. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but she had a hard time latching on. The “class” I took did me little to no good. All the “strategies” I was taught, I had forgotten. The methods that worked with the baby doll in class were in no way effective with a moving, screaming newborn. The Lactation consultant at the hospital said, “you’re fine, doing it fine, just keep it up, you’ll get it.” So, I trusted this person knew what she was talking about. And I listened. I didn’t seek more help; I didn’t even realize more help was actually available.

She could not latch. It got to the point where I was hysterical. I was crying, basically praying to God that He not let my baby wake up, because feeding her had become such a traumatic experience. It was truly a sad situation; one that I will never forget.

Well, I know now, the reason behind the difficulties was simple. Not only was I uncomfortable, I was scared. Breastfeeding was foreign to me. I had not seen it done, I personally was not breastfed, nor was my husband at the time. Having the baby there freaked me out, and having her sucking on me was almost worse.

I did know that breast milk was best, so I bought an electric Breast Pump. I then started pumping every two hours, in order to feed her the “best food” through a bottle. Though I had no idea how MUCH to pump, so I got more milk than my baby could ever drink. To give you an idea of approximately how much I pumped, after Aubrey was fed breast milk the entire first year of her life, I was still able to ship over 50 pounds of breast milk to Mothers Milk Bank in Austin Texas. (http://www.mmbaustin.org/) The Mother’s Milk Bank is a great facility. Their mission: “The Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin is a non-profit organization whose mission is to accept, pasteurize and dispense donor human milk by physician prescription primarily to premature and ill infants.” (Provided by http://www.mmbaustin.org)

Other things I just “knew” before I had her, included babies should be laid down as much as possible, they need to become independent. Babies need to sleep on their own from the beginning and at 6 months they need to “learn” to fall asleep themselves.

Aubrey was as a baby, I am ashamed to say, Furberized (Dr. Furber’s method of parenting and getting kids to sleep is letting them Cry It Out). She was laid on the floor or placed in a swing or car seat a lot. She wasn’t connected to me at all. There were times I felt more like her nanny than her mother. Part of the reason for all of this was my now ex-husband’s belief that Aubrey needed a schedule and structure, and she needed to be in her own bed; the fact that I had read all of those books contributed to the confusion as well. I wanted to be the best parent ever, so I thought reading the books was the way to make that happen.

Frankly, I never once listened to my body, my heart or her cries. Don’t get me wrong, I was not abusive, but we did let her cry, especially after 6 months when we Furberized her to get her to learn how to sleep. I did not listen to the chemical changes in my body when my daughter cried; I did not learn her cues, and we struggled on a day-to-day basis. (“When your baby cries there is an actual chemical reaction in your body, prolactin the ‘mothering hormone’ is releised and your body physically gets ready to breastfeed.” Statement provided by: http://www.consciouschoice.com/1999/cc1210/parenting1210.html)

Then through a series of events that are not relevant, Aubrey’s father and I divorced. I started easing up a bit; I did still believe what all the books said, but I also started thinking maybe I should listen to what Aubrey was trying to say, and my heart as well.

Four years later, at 26, after being a mother for several years, I got pregnant with my son. I had always wanted to be a Mother, but I struggled with the idea of keeping my son. I was opposed to an abortion; but I was not working at the time, and I had a 4-year-old daughter to support. I did more thinking and crying in the first couple months of that pregnancy than I think I have in my entire life.

Unfortunately, within a week of knowing I was pregnant, Zachary’s father decided that he did not want to be a part of Zachary’s life, and signed away his rights to him. So it was all up to me. It was not easy, but in the end I decided to listen to my heart, trust myself and my faith in God, and know that God would never give me more than I could handle. I decided to keep him. It was one of the most frightening and difficult decisions I have ever made not because I did not want or love Zachary, but because I wanted the absolute best for Zachary!

With that decision behind me, then came the thoughts of how I would parent him. I knew that there had to be better methods than those I used with my daughter. She had been so detached from me. Again, I turned to my heart, listened, and tried to trust myself. Over time, I’ve gradually learned that trusting my own judgment is a major accomplishment.

I was determined to breastfeed. Come hell or high water, I would breastfeed. So I started looking for help before my son was born, joining my local La Leche League (http://www.lalecheleague.org/) “The La Leche League International mission is: To help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.” The League has wonderful support groups, and great leaders, that really CARE about your breastfeeding success!!

I wrote up a plan, and on that plan I pledged that Zachary was not to have any bottles at all after birth, and I stuck to it. Again, breastfeeding wasn’t easy. Zachary had a hard time latching. I had a lot of extra milk and over active let down. We struggled hard in those first few days and weeks.

However, despite the difficulties, instead of crying and hoping my son would never wake up, I spent many nights just staring at the wonder of him. I would stroke his hair and breathe his new baby smell, soaking in every detail of who he was. I am sitting here crying as I think of this time; what an amazing experience that was.

After we left the hospital the fun began. And this time it really was fun. Though many in my family and those around me felt that Zachary was more work than Aubrey, for me, it was far less.

I held Zachary all the time

Did you know that it’s physically impossible to hold a baby too much? I nursed him on demand, and did not let him cry. If he cried, it was with in the loving wrap of my arms. Everyone told me I would spoil him, but even science says: “Attachment studies have spoiled the spoiling theory. Researchers Drs. Bell and Ainsworth at John Hopkins University studied two sets of parents and their children. Group A were attachment-parented babies. These babies were securely attached, the products of responsive parenting. Group B babies were parented in a more restrained way, with a set schedule and given a less intuitive and nurturing response to their cues. All these babies were tracked for at least a year. Which group do you think eventually turned out to be the most independent? Group A, the securely attached babies. Researchers who have studied the affects of parenting styles on children’s later outcome have concluded, to put it simply, that the spoiling theory is utter nonsense.”

Not only does science support my new way of parenting, so did my heart. And, it ended up being FAR less work than the way I had tried to parent before. I utilized new tools, that I had no knowledge of after my first pregnancy, like baby carriers. Traditional things like swings and bouncers did not work for Zachary; he wanted to be with me. So I took to slinging him daily, constantly just about, and it was far more effective as other tools we tried.

Think about it, what’s the ONE thing they tell new parents, that babies like best, learn from best and want around most? You and your face. Babies learn from the face and actually like looking at it better than anything else in the world. Why do you think a baby can see best within 6-8 inches of their face? That’s the traditional distance between their nursing face and your face! They like to look at you and love the natural sway of your body.

Attachment parenting is not something I knew about before I had my son or my daughter. My finding the phrase for it was by pure accident, though I am so glad I did. It so helps to know other mom’s like me, and know I am not alone.

For me attachment parenting is not about following a set of rules, although there are “guidelines” that reinforce the theory of “attachment parenting”. Attachment parenting can include things like Emotional Responsiveness, Breastfeeding, Baby wearing, Shared Sleep, Avoiding Prolonged Separation, Positive Discipline and maintaining a balance in your family life.

If for one reason or another sharing sleep, for example, is not for you, rest assured that would not at all imply that you’re not an attached parent or that you’re “bad” in some way. All aspects of attachment parenting are not for everyone. Being an attached parent is more or less just a general term, for loving and becoming in-tune to, and more responsive with your own baby.

All parents love their children, but many don’t “know” their children. One cry sounds like every other; one gesture is just like the rest. An attached parent is much more likely to know and understand their baby’s wants and needs and do something about them. Knowing the difference between a cry of hunger from a cry from fear would be a good example.

Babies don’t do things to manipulate us; they do things because that’s all they can do, to get the response they need from the people that love them. Until birth, all they’ve known is being in a warm, cozy place where they were never hungry or hurt. Now, all of a sudden they are thrust into the world of lights, loud noises, hunger, experiencing pain and feeling cold! How scary it must be for them. Attachment Parenting is about realizing that, and allowing ourselves to be nurturing.

In closing, be true to yourself, your marriage (or relationship), and to your baby and/or children. Trust that in the end no matter what kind of parent you are, your children are blessed to have you in their lives. There are many different ways to parent, I hope that you will open your mind to the different possibilities out there, look “outside” the mainstream line of things, and more to the natural side of things. There are many places to get awesome attachment parenting products to help you in your quest, as well as websites with a lot more information.

Author: Jennifer Sprague, is co-owner of High Top Baby Designs. She has several years of teaching experience working with infants through adults and has a passion for helping children live happy, healthy and secure lives. Jennifer has been a nanny, daycare provider, teacher, and is currently studying to become a Doula and a Lactation Consultant. She enjoys spending time with her two wonderful children, Aubrey and Zachary. Jennifer is also an advocate for peaceful parenting everywhere she goes. © 2005 High Top Baby Designs. All rights reserved.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jennifer_Sprague

Most parents – whether they admit it or not – react to the onset of their child’s teenage years with either trepidation or absolute dread. We look back to our own teenage years, and wonder how our parents lived through our fads, our raging hormones, our rebellion, and our attitudes. It’s almost as though, overnight, our parents went from knowing everything to knowing nothing, from understanding our hopes and dreams to being clueless about who we are and what we want out of life. Looking back, we know that parenting teenagers is no cakewalk, and can’t begin to imagine how we’ll survive the ordeal.

If only there was a parent handbook or parent directory, teens would be so much easier to raise. Even a family newsletter with tips and hints would be welcomed and make us feel as though we’re not alone in our journey. There’s never a doubt that we want what’s best for our children, but what are we supposed to do when we lose our equanimity and get sucked into yet another argument about friends or clothes or the car? Is there any hope of ever having another enjoyable family vacation? How do we know when our teenager just has the blues and when he or she is clinically depressed? If it’s the latter, what are the skills involved in parenting troubled teens?

Although we may approach our child’s teenage years with dread, the truth is that parenting teenagers can be rewarding. Here are four tips to get through those teenage years.

1. Acknowledge our power. Although our teens would be loath to admit it, we still wield an enormous amount of influence over them. We may not think they’re listening to us, but they are. During stressful times when we’re tempted to take the bait and lay down ultimatums or get into an argument, it’s important to remember that we’re still role models for our teens. The more often we take the high road, the more they’ll benefit.

2. Loosen the apron strings. It’s difficult to accept that the purpose of the teenage years is to separate and differentiate from parents. When our teenagers begin to develop their own personal tastes and opinions, and especially when they want to be treated “as adults,” it’s hard to find the right balance between maintaining control and allowing them to nurture their individuality. We have the right and the obligation to set rules and standards, but we can’t set them arbitrarily. If our teens demonstrate that they’re trustworthy, we must give them room to grow.

3. Be vigilant. It’s difficult to imagine that parenting teenagers is more difficult than parenting toddlers, but it’s true. We may have loosened the apron strings, but that doesn’t mean we should let go. All teenagers have secrets, and it’s our job to make sure that our teens’ secrets don’t have the potential to harm themselves or others. That doesn’t mean snooping (trust goes both ways), but it does mean staying involved in and aware of their activities and friends.

4. Listen with our ears and our hearts. Teenagers are notoriously uncommunicative, so listening is doubly important. This means listening both when they’re speaking and when they’re not. As the saying goes, silence can speak volumes, so it’s crucial to learn to interpret the different kinds of silence. We also need to learn to listen by asking. This doesn’t mean hounding our teens with questions, but asking their opinions and truly hearing what they have to say – without passing judgment or correcting them. All teens seek acceptance, and although most go through periods of feeling acceptance is lacking from their peers, we can fill in the gaps.

There’s no doubt that parenting teenagers is incredibly challenging. And the reality is that we may not see the fruits of our efforts for several years. But when we devote the time and develop the skills to effectively parent our teens, we will experience the rewards, both now and in the future.

Author: Chris Robertson is an author of Majon International, one of the worlds MOST popular internet marketing companies on the web. Learn more about Parenting Teenagers or Majon’s Family and Children directory.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Robertson

Common sense in parenting is a rather relative idea. Some parents simply do not have it and they need to be told just how to parent. That is why there are so many bestselling parenting books out there. There is nothing wrong with needing a little help in the area of your kids, parenting is difficult during the best of times and if those books can help you then go ahead and get them!

There are some basic rules when it comes to good parenting however. Here are the basics of parenting that every parent should know:

Be kind

It is never okay to demean your children. You do not ever want to put them down or hurt their feelings on purpose. No matter how mad they make you feel you should always work to control your temper. Not only will this keep you from doing and saying something that you will regret, it will also teach your children to control themselves as well.

Be a good role model

Being a good role model is important. This means teaching your children how to be good people all of the time. You want to teach them to be kind and to control their temper as well as to share. The most important thing that you will teach your children is the difference between right and wrong. Without this very important knowledge your children will not know how to succeed out there in the real world.

Communication

Controlling your temper is important and teaching your children to be responsible is great but communication is the key to being a good parent. There is no parent better than one who is dedicated to communicating with their kids well. Communications does not have to be hard, it just has to be done all of the time.

Communicating does not even have to be too in depth. Some people are just not comfortable with talking about their inner feelings all day every day and that is okay. Just talk to your kids about the important things. For example you need to make sure that your children know how much you love them all of the time. This is a huge part of good parenting.

Good parenting means talking to your about important things in their lives. Like if they get bullied at school you should talk to them bout that experience. Let your kids know that they can tell you anything that happens to them without fear of being rejected. If your kids can know they can talk to you about anything at all they will do it.

Keep in mind how important it is for you to know where your kids are at all times. Parenting has many facets and if you want to be good at it you need to learn about them all. Your kids need to be aware of the dangers of wandering around aimlessly. Let them know that they cannot go anywhere without filling you in on where they are going to be and who they are going to be there with.

About the Author: Dana Goldberg is the owner of Parenting Spirit. Free parenting tips on children’s behavior, activities for children and parenting resources for families and professionals.

Article Source: http://articles.smashits.com/articles/family/63856/a-b-c-s-of-parenting.html

No matter who we are, or what we do in life, most of us have kids. And there are numerous theories floating around regarding parenting. The two I have found that are crucial above all else: teaching my kids that everything but love, shelter, clothes, schooling and food are privileges, not rights, and more importantly is to be consistent with them.

It is imperative that you are consistent with EVERYTHING starting when the child is very small. Sounds easy, but it’s very hard to do. We all get caught up in our lives, get frustrated or angry and threaten things we don’t mean, are too tired to deal with keeping our word, or don’t have the strength for the temper tantrums and begging. Besides, those little buggers are so darn cute when they plead for something, and have a unique way of melting your heart at the most inopportune times. How do we resist caving in? It’s not easy! But having two boys 13 and 15, I can tell you it only gets worse. Because if you aren’t consistent in the beginning, they learn you will cave, that you don’t follow through and if they wait it out long enough, beg or plead enough, you’ll give in. As an example, I have been telling my oldest for years to raise his grades or he won’t be allowed to get his driving permit. He blew me off, but when he turned 15 1/2 (the driving permit age in California) I refused to let him get it. He was floored. He thought for sure I would cave, but I didn’t. We’ll see if his grades improve now or not.

I have not been very consistent with my boys while they were growing up. I tried, I tried very hard, but I work full time, I have health issues, I had my boys in my thirties, and I’m just plum worn out! They know from past experience if they play me right, I will go ahead and reverse my previous decisions regarding grounding, etc. Add to the fact that I am not home half of the time they are, because I’m working, I am not home to enforce anything. This makes being consistent extremely difficult. But it is do-able. I’ve learned with my youngest I have to go to the extremes. He got in trouble for not doing his homework, so I told him no X-Box privileges till he raised his grades and I didn’t get notes on his report card that say “missing assignments.” In order to keep that restriction, I had to actually take the X-box console to work with me! Sounds extreme, but it was the only way I could enforce my rule. He got very mad at me, but we all need to remember that we are their parents, not their friends. We are here to produce happy, contributing citizens to our communities. I tell my boys all the time “I’m not as worried about your happiness as I am for your safety.” We as parents have to make priorities, and our kids should be our number one priority, not how tired we are or anything else. I just wish I had reminded myself of that more while they were growing up.

My oldest came home with a marijuana pipe with his name on it not too long ago, and I found out he was skipping school, too. Of course I got every excuse in the book…”It’s not mine, I made it for a friend and it broke so I have it to fix for him” etc. etc. blah blah blah. So I went and bought a drug test and told him if he did either again I would kick him out of the house. His response was “Fine, I’ll go to Grama’s.” My reply was “Grama was a school teacher. Do you really think she would allow a flunking student, school ditching drug user in her house?” Sounds harsh, but he hasn’t done either since. If I could go back to when they were smaller, I would change the way I raised them and would have MADE the effort to be more consistent, no matter how worn out I was. Because as they get older, so do I, and I find myself more and more tired each year. I am lucky that they turned out to be relatively good kids. They have their good days and bad days, but all in all I am very proud of them.

Read all the parenting books you want, but I can tell you from experience that the major thing to have happy kids that behave well is consistency with boundaries, limits and rules. And the best thing to teach them to respect things is to teach them the difference between privileges and rights. If you follow those words of advice, you will have happy, well behaved children. Let them speak their minds if they need to, but be sure they do it respectfully. I am not one to censor children, but it better be said with respect! Being consistent with them will also help teach them respect for you. 

Author: J Hill is a mom of two teenage boys. She has worked for Corporate America since she was 15 and developed a Directory of Proven Work at Home Opportunities which has links to independently researched, legitimate, and proven work at home opportunities and can be found at http://showmeabetterlife.com

Article Source: http://www.articlenewsnetwork.com/home-family/the-most-crucial-parenting-techniques.html

During vacation time, many children–and their parents–are looking for fun activities to keep them occupied. Parents need look no further than their local toy store for inspiration to keep children busy, entertained and active during the summer months.

Bob Weinberg, Senior Vice President of Merchandising for KB Toys, the nation’s largest mall-based toy store, offers a few fun ideas:

Burn Some Energy-Encourage children to bring the whole neighborhood together with a friendly sports game. Baseball, basketball, badminton and soccer are great team sports for children of any skill level. In addition to team sports, tennis is a great way to spend time with your children while teaching them coordination skills. Kids will benefit from the personal attention and everyone will benefit from the great workout.

Keep Cool-On a hot day of outdoor play, there is no better way to cool off than with water play. Spice up a game of Marco Polo by using squirt guns such as the Shield Blaster 1000 or add them to a game of capture the flag to add some excitement. Kids generally won’t mind being active on a hot day when a cool splash is in their future.

Take the Fun With You-If there’s a vacation in your plans, pack some entertaining travel toys to avoid hearing “are we there yet?” Minitravel games, such as electronic Sudoku puzzles, offer hours of fun with unlimited puzzles and millions of test questions. Video travel activities such as the Disney Dream Sketchers inspire creativity and allow kids to draw on the touch screen and create lines, shapes, colors and patterns.

Don’t Take a Vacation From Learning-Keep your child’s mind sharp with fun educational toys such as VTech’s V. Smile Learning Systems, which offer a combination of television and video games to create an educational experience for children ages 3 to 7. Tweens can enjoy LeapFrog’s Fly Pentop Computer that can do anything from solving math problems to recording your own tunes with a drum and keyboard.

Lastly, on a rainy day, visit a museum, nature center or even a toy store that encourages interactivity and a chance to try the newest toys of the season. Stores like KB Toys encourage kids (and kids at heart) to spend time playing with favorite toys, such as the popular Bubble Bellies Bubble Maker-Bubblesaurus. Store associates can be a great resource and can help direct you to unique and popular toys, as well as provide activity ideas to help prevent children’s boredom and parents’ headaches.

Kids can have a bubbly good time with some of today’s delightful toys-sometimes right in the store.

Author: ParentingAdvisory.com
Article source: Free Parenting Articles.

Believe it or not, you impart a legacy of health to your children that goes well beyond the genes you give them. You also pass along health beliefs and model health-related choices. Here are 5 tips that will set your kids up on a path towards a healthy life.

1. Instill a sense of wonder about the body.

Many adults fear and distrust their bodies. They believe that the body is fragile, and illness is just around the corner. The myth that you will catch a cold if you go outside without a coat persists. Your kids are listening when you look in the mirror and say to no one in particular, “I’m so fat.”

The truth is your body is the most miraculous mechanical system on the planet. Cuts heal without a single thought or action on your part. Your immune system is your own personal homeland security system, protecting you from bacterial and viral terrorists. Yes, illness is part of the human condition. And we have powerful treatments that aid your body’s own ability to heal. However, even with today’s medicine it’s your body’s ability to battle illnesses, such as the common cold that offers concrete evidence of your body’s resiliency.

Comment on your child’s amazing body. “Wow, that cut healed in no time!” or “You have such strong, fast legs” or “Look at what your hands have been able to draw.” Remind your child how great it is to have eyes and kidneys and hearts that work so well.

2. Become a student of the human body with your child.

Your kids will come to you with questions about how their bodies work. It can be uncomfortable for both you and your child when you don’t have the answers. This discomfort can teach children that they should avoid questions about how their bodies work, which may, in part, explain why parents themselves are reluctant to ask doctors embarrassing questions.

Remember, no one has all the answers. That’s why your doctor participates in continuing medical education. Your child can remind you of the joy of discovery. Together you can look for answers. I mentioned to my son that bones make blood and he asked, “What about creatures with exoskeletons?” I said, “What an interesting question. Let’s get on the Internet and see what we can find out.” Have a child-appropriate book about the body available and learn and use anatomically correct words. Maybe you can have a family contest to come up with the coolest medical term.

3. Teach your kids to listen to their bodies.

Often it feels as if adults are rewarded for ignoring or overcoming the signals from their bodies. The “hero” who comes to work with the flu or the mom who ignores her need for food or sleep. Health is maintained when you know the signals that suggest your body is out of balance and respond in a timely manner when your body indicates it needs something.

Help your kids identify when they’re cold or hungry or tired. You can say even to an infant, “You look hot, so I’m taking off the blanket.” Give your child some experience regulating his external environment like taking on and off sweaters. Educate your children that pain is there to keep them safe. Say, “Owies are no fun, but they’re there to keep you from burning yourself on the stove or cutting yourself with a knife. That’s how your body reminds you to be careful.”

4. Model healthy eating habits.

Childhood obesity is a growing problem. Talk with your kids about good food choices and bad ones. Encourage them to ask themselves,”What kind of food is my body hungry for right now?” and “Am I full?” even if there’s still food on the plate. Pay attention to see if your child is a grazer or a 3-squares-a-day kid and set an eating schedule that reflects their style. Decide whether it’s OK to indulge in unhealthy food choices now and then. When I inquired about the nutritional value of my son’s snack of donuts, he said, It’s health food for the soul!

5. Reward health rather than illness.

Some of my best childhood memories come from times when I was sick. In an effort to ease my pain, my mother unwittingly rewarded illness by lavishing attention on me, delivering endless bowls of ice cream and playing games with me. Who wouldn’t want to be sick!

Instead, lavish attention on your kids when they’re well. While you don’t want to punish your kids for being sick, consider which privileges of health should be withdrawn during sick days.

When you instill in your children a sense of pride, wonder and respect for their bodies, you have given them the foundation of health.

About the Author: Have you ever left your doctor’s office with unanswered questions? Been embarrassed to talk with your doctor about a health issue concerning your child? If so, you’re not alone. Vicki Rackner MD is a board-certified surgeon who helps people get the health care they want, need and deserve. Sign up for Dr. Vicki’s free monthly newsletter at www.DrVicki.org and get tips that will put you incharge of your child http://www.drvicki.org

Article Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_31848_23.html